The Best Christmas Gift of All? Being Single.

Being single gets a bad wrap — and, yes, that horrible Christmas pun was intended.

For some singletons, the holiday season gives rise to feelings of loneliness, as it seems that the *entire* world is in love, happy and celebrating winter’s most special days by holing up and reproducing like little festive rabbits.

If you can look beyond the lovey-dovey adverts, holiday cards and other extraneous imagery that we’re fed this time of year, you might be in for a bit of a shock: it’s really not that bad. Take it from someone who has spent almost three decades as a single woman, begging Saint Nick to bring her a boyfriend or, at the very least, someone to carry her groceries and laugh at her jokes without feeling emasculated by a woman who is wayyyy funnier than he is.

Really, though, I’ve come to realize that I am straight-up #blessed to be on my own this Christmas. Instead of pining (tree pun) after a partner with whom you could start a family and celebrate in the most traditional way, realize the incredible gift you have been given: you’re on your own and you can do whatever the actual frost you want.

Do you need more convincing than that? If so, here are five reasons why Christmas is merriest for parties of one:

1. Presents, duh: The budget goes entirely to you. People say it’s better to give than to receive, but I honestly think that saying comes from some guy who wanted to convince his girlfriend to go down on him. Receiving is always more enjoyable and that includes when you’re buying gifts for yourself.

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2. Cookie feast for one: Some weirdos find it hard to indulge when they have a boyfriend or girlfriend around — will they find me less desirable when they see that I eat like an actual human garbage disposal? Meanwhile, I can unhinge my jaw and fill my stomach with cookies until I am one crumb away from bursting like a piñata.

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3. Spend your celebratory time at your house: For couples, Christmas is always a contentious time because they have to decide with whose family they’d rather spend the holidays. How do you gently tell someone you can’t stand their relatives? I’d rather not find out.

Instead, all I have to worry about are what snacks I’m going to eat, which reality television shows I’m going to binge and how much I need to whine to convince my parents to give me spending money as I loaf around their house for a week. I honestly cherish this time — I am able to let loose my inner swamp monster in front of people who have to love me unconditionally, even if I can’t remember the last time I moved or showered. 

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4. Mistletoe presents a fun experience that’s full of variety: Wait under the mistletoe for my husband and my husband only? Woof! I like the potential of smooching a mysterious stranger at a party, even if that mysterious stranger ends up being, like, someone’s weird uncle who is 47 and still trying to make it as a professional magician. I will have a funny story, at the very least! Enjoy your boring, married snog and lifetime of happiness!

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5. Sit on any lap you want without repercussions: I wonder how many relationships end after one half of a couple admits to sitting on some old man’s lap and begging him to send a bunch of fancy presents in return. That’s not an explanation I have to worry about, and, just to be clear: I accept any and all presents from any and all jolly old men who want to deliver them.

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Why do you love being single over the holidays? Let me know so I can add them to my list to read this year, next and probably when I’m 80! xoxo

— Andrea Marchiano

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